


KFC Crisis

by GoldenTruth813



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Auror Teddy Lupin, Established Relationship, Harry Potter Next Generation, KFC Crisis 2018, Kentucky Fried Chicken, M/M, Quidditch Player James Sirius Potter, james is really superstitious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-21
Updated: 2018-02-21
Packaged: 2019-03-22 07:52:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13759608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoldenTruth813/pseuds/GoldenTruth813
Summary: Teddy gets an emergency OWL from James, but even he isn't prepared for what awaits him at home.





	KFC Crisis

**Author's Note:**

  * For [GingerTodgers](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GingerTodgers/gifts).



> GingerTodgers shared the hilarity that is the great KFC chicken crisis of 2018 in Britain and I had to write this. Thank you unadulteratedstorycollector for the beta! <3

Teddy is in the middle of a major de-briefing with his Junior Aurors when he gets the owl. His heart stops immediately at the sight of the all too familiar neon orange paper - something James had jokingly told Teddy he’d use when or if he ever had an emergency. The paper has been sitting in his desk drawer for five months and Teddy hoped never to see it.

_Come home NOW._

The note was short, and Teddy could only assume the worst, his wand in his hand as he ran down the hallway, not even bothering to clock out or let Harry know he’d be missing their two o’clock meeting with Head Auror Robards.

His heart feels like it might burst out of his chest, his robes suddenly feel two sizes too small and the questionable curry he had for lunch is threatening to come back up. Teddy’s every nerve ending is on high alert as he jumps through the Auror Department’s emergency Floo connection straight into the middle of his living room.

“James!” he screams, palms sweating already. “Homenum Revelio,” he mutters urgently. He nearly trips over his feet as he follows the blue line swirling across the room and into the kitchen. Teddy slams the door open, the sight of James on his back in the middle of the floor making his stomach drop.

“Teddy! You came!” James shouts, raising himself onto his elbows. He almost looks like he’s been crying and the tips of his hair are standing on edge the way they do when James is upset and has pulled on them too hard.

“Are you okay? Fuck, what happened?” Teddy groans, dropping to his knees and casting as many diagnostic spells on James as he can before James is frowning and trying to push Teddy’s wand away. Teddy ignores him, wondering if he’s been bewitched or befuddled.

“I’m fine. Teddy...Teddy!” James shouts, putting his hands on either side of Teddy’s face and pressing their foreheads together. “I’m not hurt. I’m okay.”

Teddy blows out a heavy breath, falling back onto his arse. “Then what the bloody hell is going on?”

“KFC is closed.” James gives him a meaningful look.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

James huffs indignantly, crossing his legs and fixing Teddy with another look that earns him no sympathy. “It’s closed, Teddy. Closed! For the fourth day. What the hell am I supposed to eat? We’re playing the Kenmare Kestrels tomorrow. I have to eat KFC. I always eat the fried chicken before we play them!” James's voice takes on a slightly erratic tone.

“James, it’s just chicken.” Teddy isn’t sure he has enough emotion left in him to even be mad at James after feeling so terrified something happened to him and then facing the reality of whatever the hell breakdown James seems to be having.

“Teddy, it’s the Kenmare Kestrels. I eat KFC before I play the Kenmare Kestrels. Every time. It’s tradition. I can’t break tradition I might lose the game if I do!” James doesn’t seem to realize he’s repeating himself. Or maybe he does and doesn’t care. “There’s no chicken!”

“Jamie, your ability to catch the Snitch does not depend on what you eat.”

“You sound just like the Muggle Police,” James mutters with a frown.

Teddy gets a sinking feeling in his chest. “Please tell me you didn’t use the emergency telephone to call 999 about KFC? I had that installed for emergencies. Real emergencies.”

James at least has the audacity to look slightly abashed this time. “Yeah well, you’re a bit paranoid aren’t you? There’s never going to be an emergency where I can’t use magic and need a muggle phone. Besides this was an emergency! But the ruddy operator had the nerve to tell me it wasn't important or not whether I got my fried chicken. Can you imagine?!”

Teddy just stares at James for a few seconds before groaning and rubbing his face with his hands. “I’m not paranoid, I’m an Auror. It’s my job to think of worst case scenarios. Besides the Muggle Police can’t do anything about whether or not KFC has chicken.” Teddy sighs again, wondering how he ends up having these kinds of conversations so often.

“Yeah well if it's your job to think up worst case scenarios why didn’t you think about what to do if KFC ever ran out of chicken?” James grumbles, shooting Teddy a dirty look as if it's somehow his fault. Teddy knows he can’t take it personally. James is always a pain in the arse before important matches, and his game tomorrow determines who moves on to the World Cup. He knows James is stressed but this seems a bit ridiculous even for him.  “I even tried calling the Prime Minister but he didn’t seem to find an urgency in my issue either. Bloody useless.”

“You called the Muggle Prime Minister? About your chicken?”

“About my lack of chicken!” James groans, throwing his hands up in exasperation and dropping himself back to the floor with a rather loud thud.

It’s on the tip of Teddy’s tongue to tell James exactly how ridiculous he’s acting, at least until he takes in the tension in his shoulders and the way his hands are fisted at his sides as he takes slow, steadying breaths. James looks close to having a panic attack and Teddy knows now is not the time to argue with James about his bizarre pregame superstitions and rituals.

“Get up,” Teddy commands, holding his hand out.

James peaks one eye open, still doing some weird breathing technique Albus showed him off the internet to help him calm down. “Why?” he mumbles.

“Because Marge in International Affairs loves me, and she loves you even more. I’m pretty sure I can wrangle us an emergency portkey to America for some fucking fried chicken tonight.”

James’s other eye flies open and he’s up and on his feet in less than five seconds, his renewed energy is infectious. “Are you serious?”

“Yes I am,” Teddy assures him, wondering how long Harry will put him on desk duty for this.

“I love you,” James murmurs.

James bites his lip, his hand reaching out to cradle Teddy’s cheek as he kisses him rougher this time, more demanding. When he pulls back his eyes are flushed, relaxed and happy, and there is a smile on his face. Teddy can’t help but smile back, willing to take any punishment at work to get James to look at him like he is.

“I love you too,” Teddy whispers.


End file.
